His Touch

I have never been one to enjoy male company "up under me." I have always been fiercely independent and relished the idea of being smothered by the physical manifestations of a male's love. All of that changed when Tee came along. He was breast-fed until being weened (with strong resistance) when he was two. At three and a half, he still has a deep affinity for "Mommies breastesses." He sneaks in a caress at each and every opportunity.

Hass and I didn't do that as much. I had my morning cuddling sessions with her. She didn't seem to want all of that--ours we're definitely limited to no longer than three minutes, then she was off to explore. Even now I often must sneak in my hugs and kisses despite her protests. I have noticed, of late, her desire for a physical closeness to Mommy which I have been enjoying. It is always on her terms and usually at the most inopportune times--when she is getting dressed for school or supposed to be going to bed. Although some would say there is no wrong time for affection with one's child, I think these affectionate moments are a delaying tactic more than Hass actually wanting my embrace. On those more frequent cuddling exchanges while watching television, I really get a chance to enjoy her. She has such delicate movements when you really watch her. I don't think I was ever that graceful. I mean, without really working on it. Since my mom is no longer around, I really can't ask her directly (she and I do have a way to communicate through our love and God's love). I can't believe much of my grandmother's recollections. According to my father, I was graceful too. I'm not keen on that recollection. As I remember at nine, I had bloody ankles because I couldn't stop rubbing them together while I walked. Hass definitely doesn't have that problem.

Tee, rarely protests affection. Our morning cuddling sessions are one of the highlights of my day. Along with his "silly, silly, dance" that he does when taking off his pajama top. He has this way of letting the top sit on top of his head, almost like a jester's hat and he does this dance where he wiggles his hips from side to side (he wiggles his entire lower body as a matter of fact) and sings "silly , silly, silly." It is quite adorable. He rested he pajama top on his head like that once and I said with a big smile "you are so silly." That was the birth of the silly dance.

I am working on increasing the "touches" with my children. It is fine for my children to want to be "up under me." It doesn't mean they are trying to impede on my sense of independence, they are not putting on a display to "stake their claim" on me, nor are they trying to set a mood---they just like being close to Mommy and that is a-okay with me.

Smooches!